He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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