The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Randomize
