All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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