Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
