If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
