I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
