I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
