I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
