i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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