So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
