hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
