my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
