Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
