i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize