Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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