U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
