btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
