you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
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