I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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