I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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