when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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