We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize