one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
