Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
