I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Randomize