in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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