I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
