i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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