Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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