I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
