if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
