you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
