next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
