all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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