honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize