I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Randomize
