just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
