I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
