My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
