you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
