I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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