I'm drive I can fine osifer
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
