ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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