puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
We talked him into tasing himself.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
