atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Randomize
