So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
