Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
