She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
