he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
