I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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