when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
