I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
