I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
