Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
