I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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