just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize