Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
