Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
