I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
