After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
