Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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