Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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