I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
