No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
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