We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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