were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
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