I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
