If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
