my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
As shirtless as possible
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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