Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
