just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
