Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize