batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
