How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
