I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
