considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
You are a genius and a whore.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
