Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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