my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
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