Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
