he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Randomize
