I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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