Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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