We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
