can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
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