so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
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