well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
