the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
