I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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