What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
