The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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