dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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