I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
