we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
