I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
