Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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