oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
