Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
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