You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
