Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
