no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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