I intend to get homeless drunk
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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