Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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