A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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