I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
