Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I want a musical about memes.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
